Im a shemale, im kinda sad today though..... well,
Oh my god, i finally saw my grandma Georgina after 8 years, cause she's been in the nursing home for the last 2 years due to old timers, and my father has been telling me she hasn't been herself lately and that she's going to die very soon. So i said to myself, well it's been so many years, i might as well go for the ride and see her. So i was all excited and stuff, but when i actually got there, i noticed she sure has aged alot big time. She has pure white hair, no longer she perms her hair or colours it brown, and she has more wrinkles on her face, and she's more skinner and had no teeth. My grandfather had to tell my grandma, who i was, cause she didn't recongnized me cause of her alzheimer's disease. She was very quiet, hardly said anything. I remembered back in my days, she was talking non stop, and now she acts like a completly different person. She was in a wheelchair, but 8yrs. ago, she wasn't, she had lots of energy and strength, and now she is like a living dead vegatable Anyways, my grandma asked if i still go to school and stuff and that's when i couldn't hold it any longer inside, i fucking broke down crying. I told my father, i was like please drive me home now, i can't stay here anymore, i'm feeling very depressed right now and sad.
I waved goodbye to my grandma. As I was walking away and took the elevator downstairs to exit the nursing home building, i was wiping my tears away, which i noticed my dad started crying too. That was my first time crying infront of him, but didn't care, it was in the moment. When i got home, i cried for an hour, cause i was in shocked. I felt so guilty not visiting my grandma in so many years, i feel like i have missed out big time spending quality time with her and shit. When i went to the nursing home, i had no makeup,, no purse, ust wearing a pair of blue jeans, and a army green baggy jacket and black winter hat, just to look NORMAL and try to blend in as a boy, so i won't freak out my grandma, cause she don't know i changed into a woman, and plus i didn't want to embarressed my father. But funny thing is,, a nurse asked my father, oh who is this,, ur daughter? And my dad replied yes, wow! I can't believe he actually went along with it. Hehhehehe,, u see even without makeup, and dressed conservitive in boy clothes, i still get called a girl, and a she. I told my father u see, even without makeup and shit,, people still think i'm a girl, so i did what u asked me too, and i'm still pretty much female in the world eyes. What really made me sad was, seeing her like that, she looked like she was gonna die at any moment, just so weak and tired,, and ready to give up on life.
My father told me, that my grandma had mentioned that late at night, she see ghosts in her room, dead people,, loved ones that has past away, like family members, brothers,, parents ect with a bright light background... And they keep telling her to come with them on the other side to join them in all eterinity. Do u know what that means right? Her life line is near the end, they are calling for her, but she always tells them no for some wierd reason i don't know why, maybe she's holding onto something hear in this life on earth. But do u think this is a possibility, there's more to life after death? There's loved ones that already past away and are waiting for us to return back to heaven? Some people say here on earth is hell, and i think it's true. Most people are miserable and very unhappy. Anyways I don't know why i started crying so much,, i used to do that all the time when i used to take female hormone pills for 2yrs. Maybe it's because i love her and feel sorry for her how she is today. I was thinking earlier,, u know one of these days i too will get old, and i might end up like her in the nursing home, and loose my memory, and get alzheimer's disease too. It's sad, very sad how some people at the end of there life what they go through. I hope to see her again soon, and get to know her again, before she passes away.
Luka Magnotta
