vodkazvictim
Why save the world, when you can rule it?
4 miles of beach in southend have been declared off limits after an oil spill leaked from a ship in the Thames estuary.
The american government has claimed responsibility for the attack, claiming it is a justifiable counter-attack in revenge for BPs contamination of large stretches of american coastline.
In an effort to bolster his failing popularity (which is faltering in the face of his desire to rename america "Obamaland") President Barrack Hussein "Jihadi" Obama led the attack on the island (known home to an extremist organisation known as the territorial army, which trains members during time taken from their jobs in the weekends, then exports violence wordlwide) by bouncing a basketball off an oil tanker at hypersonic speeds, causing a hull breech and contaminating 4 miles of beach.
This is said to be the preliminary strike, but President "Jihadi" of the soon-to-be-restyled "Obamaland" claimed that unless Prime minister David "Call me Dave, peasants, I'm just like you despite my blue-blood, complete distain for the poor and general toffe-nosed-nature" Cameron apologises for the chemical attack made by the splinter cell BP (thought to be known as British Paramilitary) and turns those members of BP guilty of undertaking the original chemical attack on american soil over to american authorities he will have to deploy follow up strikes.
The follow up strikes are likely to be massive "shock and awe" strikes by american B52 strategic bombers on British soil. One bomber has already hit Liverpool, a known centre of lawlessness in the country. Residents are said to be wandering around the shattered remains of the city dazed, confused and drunk with only sportswear available to wear. Looting is widespread.
The remaining strike packages will likely take off from the american air base of Lakenheath and bomb the British airbase of.... er..... Lakenheath.
This is reporter Ivan Ivanovitch Ivanov reporting on behalf of piss-artist news.
More information is available through our partners:
http://www.echo-news.co.uk/news/8401544.Oil_slick_spreads_to_Southend_beach/
The american government has claimed responsibility for the attack, claiming it is a justifiable counter-attack in revenge for BPs contamination of large stretches of american coastline.
In an effort to bolster his failing popularity (which is faltering in the face of his desire to rename america "Obamaland") President Barrack Hussein "Jihadi" Obama led the attack on the island (known home to an extremist organisation known as the territorial army, which trains members during time taken from their jobs in the weekends, then exports violence wordlwide) by bouncing a basketball off an oil tanker at hypersonic speeds, causing a hull breech and contaminating 4 miles of beach.
This is said to be the preliminary strike, but President "Jihadi" of the soon-to-be-restyled "Obamaland" claimed that unless Prime minister David "Call me Dave, peasants, I'm just like you despite my blue-blood, complete distain for the poor and general toffe-nosed-nature" Cameron apologises for the chemical attack made by the splinter cell BP (thought to be known as British Paramilitary) and turns those members of BP guilty of undertaking the original chemical attack on american soil over to american authorities he will have to deploy follow up strikes.
The follow up strikes are likely to be massive "shock and awe" strikes by american B52 strategic bombers on British soil. One bomber has already hit Liverpool, a known centre of lawlessness in the country. Residents are said to be wandering around the shattered remains of the city dazed, confused and drunk with only sportswear available to wear. Looting is widespread.
The remaining strike packages will likely take off from the american air base of Lakenheath and bomb the British airbase of.... er..... Lakenheath.
This is reporter Ivan Ivanovitch Ivanov reporting on behalf of piss-artist news.
More information is available through our partners:
http://www.echo-news.co.uk/news/8401544.Oil_slick_spreads_to_Southend_beach/
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