Am I a hypocrite?

[Rolly1969]

Two years ago I found out my brother had cheated on his wife. I choose not to tell his wife because he is my brother. Yesterday I caught my brother-in-law cheating on my sister. Am I a hypocrite for wanting to tell my sister? It’s eating away at me. I really want to tell her. I have always been a fair person and I feel that if I tell on one I should tell on the other too.

BTW I found brother-in-law holding hands and kissing some woman in a restaurant and I kick his ass all the way back to his car.

 

[jamrak]

You are hypocrite already cuz you use the word "cheating". Having sex with different people is absolutely normal. The idea of "faithfulness" and having sex with the only one person is stupid and wrong to my mind. It is based on false-pride, arrogance and religious bullshit.

 

[rwill25]

There is nothing wrong about looking out for you're family. I guess technically you are, but who cares?

 

[Spleen]

Always side with the family, I say. You did what was best for your brother, now do whats best for your sister.

You are hypocrite already cuz you use the word "cheating". Having sex with different people is absolutely normal. The idea of "faithfulness" and having sex with the only one person is stupid and wrong to my mind. It is based on false-pride, arrogance and religious bullshit.

I can barely even comprehend the words I just read. I hope you are joking.

 

[BlueBalls]

There is nothing wrong about looking out for you're family. I guess technically you are, but who cares?

I was thinking the same thing.

 

[Hot Mega]

Two years ago I found out my brother had cheated on his wife. I choose not to tell his wife because he is my brother. Yesterday I caught my brother-in-law cheating on my sister. Am I a hypocrite for wanting to tell my sister? It’s eating away at me. I really want to tell her. I have always been a fair person and I feel that if I tell on one I should tell on the other too.

BTW I found brother-in-law holding hands and kissing some woman in a restaurant and I kick his ass all the way back to his car.

Honestly, I would walk up to him like everything was okay. Ask him to introduce me to the chick and then leave as if everything was just fine.

You won't have to tell your sister, his panic, guilt and shame should force him to eventually confess himself.

And I guarantee after having to confess on his own without her being told on by you, he would be much more contrite and genuine in his sorrow. It might actually help their relationship in the long run. Whereas you telling her takes it out of the realm of their household for her and that alone could add external pressures on the relationship. Possibly making one or both of them do things they think they should do as opposed to what's in the best interest of their relationship.:2 cents:

Generally it's a good rule to stay out of it. You never know what you could cause by injecting yourself in the situation.

 

[kayleelove]

I don't think you are wrong for feeling that way. It's family, so it is only natural that you want to protect them. With your brother, you didn't want to be the one to tell on him, and with your sister, you don't want to see her with anyone that will hurt her. If I was in your shoes, I would let her know.

Jamrak, I agree with you that having sex with different people is absolutely normal. However, when you enter into marriage, I think it's general understanding that you are committing yourself to your spouse and promising fidelity. Marriage is a CHOICE, so if you are easily tempted and want to have sex with different people, why get married?? I don't believe that humans are meant to be monogomous, so if you can resist temptation and remain faithful to your significant other, it is the ultimate sign of self control, respect, and love.

If you have sex with someone other than your spouse (for those that do not have an "open" relationship), I would definitely consider it cheating.

 

[Rolly1969]

Honestly, I would walk up to him like everything was okay. Ask him to introduce me to the chick and then leave as if everything was just fine.

You won't have to tell your sister, his panic, guilt and shame should force him to eventually confess himself.

And I guarantee after having to confess on his own without her being told on by you, he would be much more contrite and genuine in his sorrow. It might actually help their relationship in the long run. Whereas you telling her takes it out of the realm of their household for her and that alone could add external pressures on the relationship. Possibly making one or both of them do things they think they should do as opposed to what's in the best interest of their relationship.:2 cents:

Generally it's a good rule to stay out of it. You never know what you could cause by injecting yourself in the situation.

I should have done that but when I saw him kissin her I lost it.

 

[GabberMan]

Two years ago I found out my brother had cheated on his wife. I choose not to tell his wife because he is my brother. Yesterday I caught my brother-in-law cheating on my sister. Am I a hypocrite for wanting to tell my sister? It’s eating away at me. I really want to tell her. I have always been a fair person and I feel that if I tell on one I should tell on the other too.

BTW I found brother-in-law holding hands and kissing some woman in a restaurant and I kick his ass all the way back to his car.

She might already know. Might. Tell her. She's your sister. :thumbsup:

 

[Mr.Bungle]

I'd tell on both those fuckers pronto.

 

[Rolly1969]

However, when you enter into marriage, I think it's general understanding that you are committing yourself to your spouse and promising fidelity. Marriage is a CHOICE, so if you are easily tempted and want to have sex with different people, why get married?? I don't believe that humans are meant to be monogomous, so if you can resist temptation and remain faithful to your significant other, it is the ultimate sign of self control, respect, and love.

Thank you Kaylee!!

 

[Rolly1969]

She might already know. Might. Tell her. She's your sister. :thumbsup:

I hear you. But what about my brother's wife? She is one of the most caring and nicest people you'll ever meet.

 

[stampede2873]

Always side with the family, I say. You did what was best for your brother, now do whats best for your sister.

I have to agree with Spleen. Family is family and you should do what you think IS best for your family.

 

[Hot Mega]

I hear you. But what about my brother's wife? She is one of the most caring and nicest people you'll ever meet.

You just never know. Maybe they already know or have the type of relationship where some things are okay but they want to keep them private.

The best thing is to let the person doing it know that you know. Then let them handle their own business.

As far as your sister in-law....just try and impress upon your brother his duties to his marriage, vows and his wife. Try and help him appreciate what he's got in his wife and show him that you don't condone what he's doing.

But at the end of the day, he's an adult and it's up to her to figure out that he's cheating on her.

 

[Hartell]

I hear you. But what about my brother's wife? She is one of the most caring and nicest people you'll ever meet.

She doesn't sound like she deserves to be hurt/lied to. I would have a chat with the cheaters and leave it to them to do something about it. If they don't and it still gets you then tell em. You know and once/if they find out you know it could be worse for your relationship then just telling them outright. I'm sure they'll appreciate you giving the guys a chance to own up to their business and also that you cared enough to tell them.
Just my thoughts. Hope that makes sense.

 

[Rolly1969]

As far as your sister in-law....just try and impress upon your brother his duties to his marriage, vows and his wife. Try and help him appreciate what he's got in his wife and show him that you don't condone what he's doing.

But at the end of the day, he's an adult and it's up to her to figure out that he's cheating on her.

It was a onetime thing. They were having a very rough time. She miscarried and got depressed. He was hurting and had to take care of their first child alone. They needed each other but they couldn’t be there for each other. Still he shouldn't have done it. She deserved better.

 

[Rolly1969]

Just my thoughts. Hope that makes sense.

It does!

 

[Will E Worm]

Two years ago I found out my brother had cheated on his wife.
Yesterday I caught my brother-in-law cheating on my sister. Am I a

Tell on them both.

You should have already told your brother's wife.

Even though in America the marriage license doesn't say anything about adultery. It's still wrong.

 

[Gordar]

You are hypocrite already cuz you use the word "cheating". Having sex with different people is absolutely normal. The idea of "faithfulness" and having sex with the only one person is stupid and wrong to my mind. It is based on false-pride, arrogance and religious bullshit.

I can't fully agree with this. If you're honest with your partner then you'll make an agreement that it's ok to have sex with other people. If you cannot come to such an agreement, then you either have to stick to that 1 person or you have to forget all about the person you're currently with.

Anyway, to the OP. Yes, you're a hypocrite, but it's understandable. You and your brother were raised together and have developed a bond, wether you're aware of it or not. You will always accept more from your brother/sister/children/parents than you will from other people.

 

[jamrak]

I can't fully agree with this. If you're honest with your partner then you'll make an agreement that it's ok to have sex with other people

Of course, to be honest is something that I mean "by default". I can do whatever I want and a girl can also do whatever she wants. It prevents relations from a lot of problems, stupid quarrels, suspicion etc.