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Take her back to 5th grade sex ed class. Though I can't guarantee that sex tape has a blow job tutorial on it. They made all us boys wait out in the hall when they showed it to the girls. :(

Thats a good fucking question! What the fuck AM I doing???

Hey NEWS FLASH, this was the wild card round there zell. The potential games I've been looking forward to aren't for a couple of weeks. But you already pointed that out, now didn't you. ;) I'm assuming you will be rooting against the Patriots and 'America's team'? I have no choice but to root...

Yeah, I was bored. Is this supposed to be your 'I told you so moment'?

Nervous? Take my advice, just suck it up and lay the pipe nylo. Your penis will be the one that regrets it if you don't. Hey, wouldn't you rather regret something you did, than something you didn't do...? Food for thought. I know sometimes I regret all those filipina hookers I banged in Korea...

I most certainly did not! And FYI, I'm not hung like a *****. Horses are hung like me!

Age: I'll tell you my birthday - every day LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Problems: Bipolar - I can be a sarcastic bastard or an over emotional fool. Limp noodle - sometimes when I'm on placebo. I smoke - but only when babysitting. Sore right foot - from constantly kicking ass and taking names!

These playoff games have all been fairly boring, but considering their competitive legitimacy, they still beat the hell out of those worthless BCS games.

I give it a 3.14 Hey, keep in mind, it is one of the most important mathematical constants!

Yeah, I've had many penis injuries trying to hump the TV during an episode of 'Designing Women'. Heres a good remedy.. Get yourself some canola oil and epsom salts. Stir that up and drop your hammer in to soak for about an hour. Then get a grapefruit, cut it in half, microwave it for 35...

"I once caught a fish THIS big.." Hey, here and I thought you were really Chinese!

My vote goes to this Imadinnerjacket guy.

You've never taken a trip to Amish country then? The Amish can get pretty freaky. Wait till you see butterchurning style!

I would've replied earlier, but I was busy sucking my own dick. Now lets see, where were we.. how intelligent I am, how good looking I am, or how many people like me? I'll let YOU decide what we'll resume talking about.

I know you did. After I created you and gave you express permission to do it.

I just spooged into a tissue and an 8 pound baby crawled out.

Close.. buggystyle

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

:banger:SLAAAAAAAAAAAYER!!!!!!:banger: Sorry for shouting, but that's the only way it can be said.

I censored your post aBossa. Careful I don't smite thee into oblivion. You know, come to think of it, you never did thank me for inventing condiments.

You rang? Being that I'm omniscient, I already knew you were gonna ask that before you did. I'd like to help you, but I only have time for me.

Hahaha ...you remind me of my favorite person - ME. Oh right, I forgot this isn't the narcissism thread. Hey do you know what KFC really stands for...Kentucky Fat Chick! Mmmm, mmmm , they're finger lickin' good! Just got to find the wet spot first!

Yes, yes, that's all very interesting fellas, but you seem to be in spots. Your places are beneath me.

Maybe we all need to focus on something more serious. Actually, I think you should try this thread: http://board.freeones.com/showthread.php?t=182802

I'm sorry, what? I had to return one of my mirrors and get my money back. Now if you don't mind, I have to get back to a more important person - ME.

It's ok. I made up for it by naming the natives Mongolians. Nobody will notice the difference for centuries.

I see you admire my handy work. I wrote the dictionary. Every language.

I invented polls. I also taught Al Gore how to invent the internet. You might have enjoyed some of my other creations before too. Like food, sunlight, cartoons, and pussy. Just to name a few.

This is the place for you. You are happy I'm here to start this thread. It makes ME feel good to do it. Now if you'll excuse me a second, I have to go admire myself in the mirror.

After we've ***** the land of all natural resources, (no not the sheep) we'll be leaving behind a small garrison of troops and supplies for at least 50 years...say 50,000. As is our custom in countries we aren't welcome in anymore. You don't mind, DO YOU?

Actually, I think Jessica might have herpes. Just trying to pawn her off on you guys.hehe We got enough of a problem with Paris and all of her diseases as it is.

Ok, sorry sensitive suzie.

I had the benefit of GPS. Made in America of course. You know like the ones in your car that give voice commands. 'She' said stuff like "plant flag here" and "dominate the world here".

I don't know about funky, but Jenna Jameson has quite the spunky pussy.

When I arrived, these pale savages ..they were playing this funny looking game with their feet. I think I'll call it SOCCER. Don't know why, but it just rolls off the tongue. :tongue:

Any descent for this new totalitarian policy will result in an immediate caning. Yeah, that means you Friday. Assume the position. Plus, anyone caught using a passport will be arrested for treason.

Nay, we will be giving you a new Queen though poggy. All bow before the greatness of Jessica Alba! Any objections? I didn't think so. :)

All I got here is a story on the 'war on tourism'. White House tours have been canceled indefinitely. President Bush has vowed to get the tourists.

I got an essentials kit. It was full of food, shelter, and love. :)

When I landed there, I was greeted by these very pale savages. I planted a flag and claimed it for America. England...America now owns you. Your pal, Christopher KFD Columbus

That's the spirit!

Worth mentioning.. Lovie Smith is now 6-2 against the hated fudge packers. The man made beating them top priority and he has delivered. Take that Dave Wannstedt! In Lovie, we trusty!