***** Up, If You Like **** In Your Mouth (It's Not What You Think - It's Worse)...

[ChefChiTown]

(CNN) -- It fizzes. It quenches. And it could also contain ***** bacteria.

Nearly half of the 90 beverages from soda fountain machines in one area in Virginia tested positive for coliform bacteria -- which could indicate possible ***** contamination, according to a study published in the January issue of International Journal of Food Microbiology.

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Best...opening...statement...EVER.

But, in all seriousness, that's pretty disgusting. In a twist of absolute grossness, it's actually not that surprising though. I just hope that the ***** that I'm inhaling when I'm tossing back a 6 pack of Diet Mr. Pibbs are that of a beautiful woman. Or, a semi-attractive man. A Spanish man. You know, so it's...spicier? :dunno: