For Her:
Perfume = You smell. Hopefully the strong, overwhelming stink of this perfume, will mask it.
New Dress = You fashion sense is awful and you dress like a cheap tramp.
Holiday Abroad = I'm getting fed-up with your ****** visiting unexpectedly, so we'll bugger off to Tenerife for a fortnight, where I'll get *****, and you can sit beside the hotel pool.
New Set of Pans = Because you're a crap cook and the old pans are covered in burnt-on Bolognese.
Dressing Gown = I like see through nighties, but only on hot, young, tight tender bodies.. you're none of those, so fucking cover-up.
Ladyshaver = Christ, you've got hairy-fucker legs,. only a female baboon has more fur.. get shaving!
Cookbook = See 'New Set of Pans' above
Necklace = People need something to draw their attention away from your wrinkly face.
New Watch = Because your never on fucking time!.. If I say meet me at the cinema at eight..I don't mean quarter past fucking nine.
For Him:
Aftershave = You're a smelly bastard, cover the stench with this.
New Lawnmower = As if it'll ever get used...get the fucking grass cut, you idle twat.
Socket + Wrench Set = Isn't it about time you got that fucking car fixed?...I'm fed-up of having to jump start it every morning.
Penis Enlarger = Got the message?...lots of love from yours 'unsatisfied'
Slippers = Because only a moron walks straight into the living room, from the garden, in their muddy boots.
Engraved Lighter = One of these days I'll leave the fucking gas on and then you'll be sorry.
New Watch = Because there's nothing wrong with the watch I've got. It's just that you still haven't fixed that fucking car( See Socket + Wrench Set above)..THAT'S WHY I WAS LATE TO THE CINEMA!
Season Ticket For Your Favourite Club = Because I'm fucking fed-up with you in the house..just get lost once in a while, huh?
More suggestions welcome...
Perfume = You smell. Hopefully the strong, overwhelming stink of this perfume, will mask it.
New Dress = You fashion sense is awful and you dress like a cheap tramp.
Holiday Abroad = I'm getting fed-up with your ****** visiting unexpectedly, so we'll bugger off to Tenerife for a fortnight, where I'll get *****, and you can sit beside the hotel pool.
New Set of Pans = Because you're a crap cook and the old pans are covered in burnt-on Bolognese.
Dressing Gown = I like see through nighties, but only on hot, young, tight tender bodies.. you're none of those, so fucking cover-up.
Ladyshaver = Christ, you've got hairy-fucker legs,. only a female baboon has more fur.. get shaving!
Cookbook = See 'New Set of Pans' above
Necklace = People need something to draw their attention away from your wrinkly face.
New Watch = Because your never on fucking time!.. If I say meet me at the cinema at eight..I don't mean quarter past fucking nine.
For Him:
Aftershave = You're a smelly bastard, cover the stench with this.
New Lawnmower = As if it'll ever get used...get the fucking grass cut, you idle twat.
Socket + Wrench Set = Isn't it about time you got that fucking car fixed?...I'm fed-up of having to jump start it every morning.
Penis Enlarger = Got the message?...lots of love from yours 'unsatisfied'
Slippers = Because only a moron walks straight into the living room, from the garden, in their muddy boots.
Engraved Lighter = One of these days I'll leave the fucking gas on and then you'll be sorry.
New Watch = Because there's nothing wrong with the watch I've got. It's just that you still haven't fixed that fucking car( See Socket + Wrench Set above)..THAT'S WHY I WAS LATE TO THE CINEMA!
Season Ticket For Your Favourite Club = Because I'm fucking fed-up with you in the house..just get lost once in a while, huh?
More suggestions welcome...
