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the Epic Future Thread 2008

Let's talk about the future. And not just what's to come in the presidental election, who will win the Champion's League or who the last surviving Beatle will be (we all know it's gonna be Ringo).

No, the major difference between this thread and other similar ones is that this one is universal. Universal, and...
EPIC!​

To start things off I will tell you some of the things I think will happen in the future.



Space Travel
It will not take long before boarded vessels will land on Mars. What will be regarded as a revolutionary act of man kind is in fact nothing more than the first zit popped when you were 12. Nevertheless will it eventually lead to further expeditions to other natural sattelites, maybe even to one of Saturn's moons.
But man will never go as far as we thought we would. Travelling in velocities near those of light are hard enough, but even so it would take long time and tremendous effort to even get to Alpha Centauri. The last person alive will shed a tear over what we all never had the physical possibility to see.


Extraterrestrial life
Much like previously stated, the universe is too big for mankind. Chances of ever discovering life outside our planet are so incredibly small it is practically impossible. We might find simple traces of life in our solar system, but these will prove surprisingly uninteresting. Still, we will never give up hope. The search will continue until humanity ends. And the idea of intelligent life-forms far away will always fascinate us.


Fusion power
Soon, within the nearest 100 years, fusion will turn around global politics. Unlimited, cheap, secure and clean energy is the single biggest step since the IT revolution of the "infamous fossile-fuel-20th century". Previously powerful oil nations such as the Arabian states will fall into decay, and its population will look back at the founders of Dubai as fools. Russia will adopt the part American, part French-invented fusion power, and inevitably lose influence and prosperity.
But it will be overwhelmingly benificial. At first, only Western nations will have access to the precious technology of fusion. But when our entire society grows increasingly used to it and scientist's have mastered its potential, we will look beyond our own borders. The Asian nations will be able to support a wealthier middle-class and grow more and more powerful. What used to be conflicts over resources becomes friendship and commerce. What used to be thirst becomes distilled salt water and ergo more fertile ground and better health. What used to be global warming becomes issues of the past.
Combined with genetics, our productivity will see an immense increase. Fusion power will make the world a better place to live in, but it won't happen to the now adult generation.


Mankind and the Apocalypse
Homo sapiens have proved an exceptionally successful species. Decades, centuries and millennias will pass before we think of our own extinction. As we are busy doing what we do best, prevailing, evolved versions of ourselves appear. As silent as the spread of a virus, this superior, progressively developed human will come to dominate us. Ironically, this will happen over and over again. We will cross-breed and mix up with each other, and no one will ever know we were a different monkey thousands of years ago. Some child will ask his history teacher why people had such small heads and had hair on their bodies in the 20th century, but he will just pat him on the head and continue to read about the last world war.
Time will pass, and man kind will live until the Sun can't pull off the job anymore and the planet will be too cold to inhabit. The freezing remnants of the human civilization will never be found by anyone, instead being destroyed by cosmic forces such as asteroids or black holes. Earth will die a peaceful death, satisfied with what it has achieved in its multi-billion year life.



Now, don't say I did not tell you. Michael Jackson, if you're reading this, I say enter the cryo-chamber and freeze down for the next 1000 years. But please tell them I already knew what was coming!
 
I say in the next 10 years our world the planet Earth will be blown to hell by the giant nuclear cannon that is being shot from the planet Zebulon that is located in the far off galaxy of Alpha Beta Gamma Omega 6 3 4 5. We'll have no way of surviving this holocaust because the Zebulonians have decreed that humans are like cockroaches and deserve to be executed because of their supreme stupidity of thinking that they are supreme beings of the highest order.

We will try to run but nothing can outrun the giant green beam coming from the giant nuclear cannon that is being shot from the planet Zebulon that is located in the far off galaxy of Alpha Beta Gamma Omega 6 3 4 5 because as the giant green beam inches closer and closer to the Earth it also has a giant gravitational pull that is pulling the Earth and the other planets that rotate around Sol towards it and it also effectively holds us to the ground to the point where we as lower lifeforms can not move.

All we can do is hope that the Zebulonians will be swift with their mass execution of the human race. We must hope the giant green beam coming from the giant nuclear cannon that is being shot from the planet Zebulon that is located in the far off galaxy of Alpha Beta Gamma Omega 6 3 4 5 will disintegrate us quickly so that we will feel no pain. Of course this will be false hope because we will feel pain. The giant green beam will rip every single cell, every single molecule from our bodies one by one until we are no more.:)
 

ChefChiTown

The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to...

The Future: ChefChiTown's Prediction On Life

:the crowd goes silent with anticipation:














I am going to die someday.

Thank you.

:the crowd is still silent, only this time, with tremendous disappointment:
 
Chet - Redneck: How about we cause more global warming? So that in the future the polar ice caps melt; and it ushers in a new ice age.
Pissed off Redneck: How the hell is global warming going to cause an ice age?
Chet - Redneck: Well you know, the global warming could be on a climate shift or something.
Pissed off Redneck: Chet, you are a fuckin' retard you know that? Even IF global warming were real, which all proven scientific data shows it isn't, it would take millions of years for a climate shift to happen. You think an ice age can just happen all a sudden like?
Chet - Redneck: Well I was just trying to be helpful.
Pissed off Redneck: Well help yourself to a fuckin' science book, cause you're talking like a fuckin' retard.

Pissed off Redneck: They took our jobs!

AH yes behold my dear frineds for I am the keeper of information,

"your powers are weak old man",
"well fuck you satan!"
"Ive been waiting four centuries for you to ask me that"
"Well.......okay then lets get to it"

:squelching sounds and mumbles and groans:



Thats it :dunno:
 
nothing is going to change. they were saying all this shit 50 years ago, and what do we have now that we didn't have then? we got text messages and instant porn downloads, basically things that are worthless in terms of human progress, just advances in leisurely entertainment.

they've done fuck all for curing diseases, increasing food production and renewable energy.
 
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