..... but we do use them unofficially anyways!!! Most of the definitions on the following lexicon of medical slang appeared a few years ago in the National Lampoon. Some of the definitions are funny. Most are sick. All are used in respected hospitals.
BOBBING FOR APPLES: Using the finger to unclog a severely constipated patient.
F.L.K.: "Funny-looking ***."
F.L.P.: Parents of an F.L.K.
CRUMP, GORK, VEDGY: A patient requiring intensive care, incapable of movement, and apparently unaware of his surroundings.
HORRENDOPLASTY: A difficult and time-consuming operation.
BAG, BOX, COOL, STIFFEN, X: To die.
CROCK: Hypochondriac.
MARRIAGEABLE *******: A young female patient who has successfully undergone major plastic surgery.
GOMER: A senile, messy, or highly unpleasant patient.
FASCINOMA: A "fascinating" tumor; any interesting or amusing malignancy.
DROOLER: A catatonic patient.
CUT AND PASTE: To open a patient, discover that there is no hope, and immediately sew him up. Well, almost immediately. Sometimes young surgeons practice surgical techniques for a while first.
FOUR F-ER: A gallbladder patient. "Fat, forty-ish, flatulent female."
PINKY CHEATER: Latex finger cover used in gynecological and proctological examinations.
ROAD MAP: Injuries incurred by going through a car windshield face first.
A HOLE-IN-ONE: A gunshot wound through the mouth or rectum.
THE "O" SIGN: The letter O as formed by a patient's gaping mouth.
THE "Q" SIGN: A patient giving the O sign with his tongue hanging out.
THE DOTTED Q: The "Q" sign, with a fly on the tongue.
SIDEWALK SOUFFLE: A patient who has fallen from a building.
LOOSE CHANGE: A dangling limb in need of amputation.
BULL IN THE RING: A blocked large intestine.
GONE CAMPING: Reference to a patient in an oxygen tent.
EATING IN: Intravenous feeding.
BORDEAUX: ***** with ***** in it.
SCRATCH AND SNIFF: A gynecological examination.
ANGEL LUST: A male cadaver with an erection.
HIT AND RUN: The act of operating quickly so as not to be late for another
engagement.
CAPTAIN KANGAROO: Chairman of a pediatrics department.
ROOTERS: Indigents and hangers-on who gather in big-city emergency rooms in order to be entertained by legitimate cases.
SHORT-ORDER-CHEFS: Morgue workers.
LOOP THE LOOP: Flamboyant surgical rearrangement of the intestines.
BUGS IN THE RUG: Pubic lice.
HEY DOCS: Alcoholics handcuffed to wheelchairs in big-city medical wards who, at the sight of a white coat, bleat out in chorus, "Hey, Doc!"
BLOWN MIND: Gunshot wound to the head.
ICING ON THE CAKE: Lethal tumor discovered in the X-rays of a heart ****** victim.
THE GARDEN: Neurosurgical intensive care ward, so called because of the "vegetables" found there.
BOOGIE, GOOBER: A tumor.
THE DEEP FRY: Cobalt therapy.
ROASTED GOOBER: A tumor after intensive cobalt treatment.
HEALTHY GOOBER: A dead patient.
BURY THE HATCHET: Accidently leaving a surgical instrument inside a patient.
SILVER GOOSE, SILVER STALLION: Proctoscope.
SQUASH: Brain.
GAS PASSER: Anesthesiologist.
CRISPY CRITTER: A patient with severe burns.
FUBAR F'd up Beyond All Recognition/Repair
PITA...do we really need to define that one? I think it's universal!
BOHICA...Bend Over Here It Comes Again (as in when you get a bad assignment, have a rotten night, or just plain old get dunped on big time).
CRAFT syndrome - Can't Remember A ****ing Thing
PFO - Potted (*****) and Fell Over
AHD - Acute Haloperidol Deficit [Haloperidol is an antipsychotic ****]
LVL - Low Valium Level [Valium is anti depressant]
Acute Hyponicotaemia - busting for a cigarette
Cranio-rectal inversion - head up one's @$$
TSTL - Too stupid to live
GOMER - Get Out Of My ER (See also: PHS)
ERNOBW--Engine Running, No One Behind the Wheel (See also: LONH)
LONH= lights on, nobody home
A.M.F. YOYO = adios m.f., you're on your own! (Also see: OPD)
OPD = Obnoxious personality disorder
PMS - Psychotic mood syndrome
Concrete Poisoning: teenager whose skateboard left him in the lurch
WOFTAM (pronounced woff-tam) - Waste Of F***ing Time And Money
Optic Rectumitis - suffering from a crappy outlook on life
PHS - Positive Hilton Sign (thinks they're at the Hilton, not a hospital.)
Rapid Lead Transfussion - GSW to the head
That's some of the stuff that I hear/use.
Share some of yours
cheers,
BOBBING FOR APPLES: Using the finger to unclog a severely constipated patient.
F.L.K.: "Funny-looking ***."
F.L.P.: Parents of an F.L.K.
CRUMP, GORK, VEDGY: A patient requiring intensive care, incapable of movement, and apparently unaware of his surroundings.
HORRENDOPLASTY: A difficult and time-consuming operation.
BAG, BOX, COOL, STIFFEN, X: To die.
CROCK: Hypochondriac.
MARRIAGEABLE *******: A young female patient who has successfully undergone major plastic surgery.
GOMER: A senile, messy, or highly unpleasant patient.
FASCINOMA: A "fascinating" tumor; any interesting or amusing malignancy.
DROOLER: A catatonic patient.
CUT AND PASTE: To open a patient, discover that there is no hope, and immediately sew him up. Well, almost immediately. Sometimes young surgeons practice surgical techniques for a while first.
FOUR F-ER: A gallbladder patient. "Fat, forty-ish, flatulent female."
PINKY CHEATER: Latex finger cover used in gynecological and proctological examinations.
ROAD MAP: Injuries incurred by going through a car windshield face first.
A HOLE-IN-ONE: A gunshot wound through the mouth or rectum.
THE "O" SIGN: The letter O as formed by a patient's gaping mouth.
THE "Q" SIGN: A patient giving the O sign with his tongue hanging out.
THE DOTTED Q: The "Q" sign, with a fly on the tongue.
SIDEWALK SOUFFLE: A patient who has fallen from a building.
LOOSE CHANGE: A dangling limb in need of amputation.
BULL IN THE RING: A blocked large intestine.
GONE CAMPING: Reference to a patient in an oxygen tent.
EATING IN: Intravenous feeding.
BORDEAUX: ***** with ***** in it.
SCRATCH AND SNIFF: A gynecological examination.
ANGEL LUST: A male cadaver with an erection.
HIT AND RUN: The act of operating quickly so as not to be late for another
engagement.
CAPTAIN KANGAROO: Chairman of a pediatrics department.
ROOTERS: Indigents and hangers-on who gather in big-city emergency rooms in order to be entertained by legitimate cases.
SHORT-ORDER-CHEFS: Morgue workers.
LOOP THE LOOP: Flamboyant surgical rearrangement of the intestines.
BUGS IN THE RUG: Pubic lice.
HEY DOCS: Alcoholics handcuffed to wheelchairs in big-city medical wards who, at the sight of a white coat, bleat out in chorus, "Hey, Doc!"
BLOWN MIND: Gunshot wound to the head.
ICING ON THE CAKE: Lethal tumor discovered in the X-rays of a heart ****** victim.
THE GARDEN: Neurosurgical intensive care ward, so called because of the "vegetables" found there.
BOOGIE, GOOBER: A tumor.
THE DEEP FRY: Cobalt therapy.
ROASTED GOOBER: A tumor after intensive cobalt treatment.
HEALTHY GOOBER: A dead patient.
BURY THE HATCHET: Accidently leaving a surgical instrument inside a patient.
SILVER GOOSE, SILVER STALLION: Proctoscope.
SQUASH: Brain.
GAS PASSER: Anesthesiologist.
CRISPY CRITTER: A patient with severe burns.
FUBAR F'd up Beyond All Recognition/Repair
PITA...do we really need to define that one? I think it's universal!
BOHICA...Bend Over Here It Comes Again (as in when you get a bad assignment, have a rotten night, or just plain old get dunped on big time).
CRAFT syndrome - Can't Remember A ****ing Thing
PFO - Potted (*****) and Fell Over
AHD - Acute Haloperidol Deficit [Haloperidol is an antipsychotic ****]
LVL - Low Valium Level [Valium is anti depressant]
Acute Hyponicotaemia - busting for a cigarette
Cranio-rectal inversion - head up one's @$$
TSTL - Too stupid to live
GOMER - Get Out Of My ER (See also: PHS)
ERNOBW--Engine Running, No One Behind the Wheel (See also: LONH)
LONH= lights on, nobody home
A.M.F. YOYO = adios m.f., you're on your own! (Also see: OPD)
OPD = Obnoxious personality disorder
PMS - Psychotic mood syndrome
Concrete Poisoning: teenager whose skateboard left him in the lurch
WOFTAM (pronounced woff-tam) - Waste Of F***ing Time And Money
Optic Rectumitis - suffering from a crappy outlook on life
PHS - Positive Hilton Sign (thinks they're at the Hilton, not a hospital.)
Rapid Lead Transfussion - GSW to the head
That's some of the stuff that I hear/use.
Share some of yours
cheers,