Spleen
******?
This post has no real meaning. The reason for it, is while I was away, I had a blog. However, I knew my parents were reading this blog at home. Anything sex or **** related had to stay out. So I'm deciding to vent it here. It could be considered a "wall of text", but I don't care, it is as the title claims, "story tellin'". If you don't wanna read it, be on your merry way. Those who wanna have a light hearted read, stay and enjoy, and maybe throw in your own story after the jump...
Thailand, full moon party. Legendary among the backpacker scene for being one of the most outrageous parties on the planet. 20,000+ people (sometimes over 50,000) dancing all night on the beach, fueled by a mixture of cheap *****, barely legal energy ***** and more often than not some sort of mind destroying ****, all mixed into a large beach bucket.
Of course one of the major attractions to the whole thing is the sex. Everyone is pairing off with everyone, and they all seem to escape the negative vibes of being a "slut".
The night before the main attraction, I had met a young european girl, for the sake of the story we'll call her Claire, and we were getting along very well. Sadly, she was a bit "fridged", as a 10 year old schoolboy might describe her. After spending only night together in her hostel with a small amount of fooling around, she decided she didn't want to get in with me because she just wanted to be my friend. "I've got enough friends" I thought to myself "so forget her...". A bad ending, but hey, plenty of fish in the sea (or plenty of ******* slutty fishes near the sea). The next night Full Moon had finally come around. I couldn't wait to party my heard out and then get off the damn island, I had been there too long and my body was feeling rather punished. As usual, me and the guys from the hostel had a few beers and headed down to the extremely overcrowded beach. I worked my way through the crowd to my usual bucket vendor, a Thai local named Jack, and got my fix. I figure as it was the last night for most people, he wanted to send me off with a bang. Whatever he put in the bucket along with the bottle of ***** blew my tiny little mind. The rest of the night is completely a blur.
I awoke in the sand sometime around 5.30am. I say awoke, but really I hadn't been ******, just completely blacked out. "What the fuck am I doing here" I thought, before trying to stand up and head back to the hostel. The standing process was cut short when I look down to see a girl lying in my arms. She looked unconcious. ****, who is she? Do I know her? Is she ****** out and I'm trying to help her? Was it ME who knocked her out?.. It was a confusing time, which doubled when she opened her eyes, mumbled something in what I thought was Russian, and kissed me on the lips. So she DID know me. At least I hadn't ******** her, she seemed pretty happy. She spoke again, this time in English, but with what was definitely a Russian accent. I asked if she wanted to come back to my hostel. "You've already asked me a hundred times, yes!". A begin to stumble in the direction of my bed, with her slightly holding me up while my legs tried to reconfigure themselves.
Along the way, I see a friend from the hostel walking towards us. He gives me a wave, and I quickly turn and walk in another direction. You see, I had no idea who this girl was, including her name. Imagine the awkwardness; "Oh, Pierre, let me introduce you to.... ****". My brain was obviously functioning much better than before.
I get her back to my dorm room without incident, probably the most incident free walk I'd had all week, nights before had envolved stolen motorcycles, fights with ladyboys and a crooked cop trying to plant ***** on me. Making out all the way up the stairs, we finally reach my bed. But it was not empty.
Lying there, half naked, is Claire, the girl from the night before who claimed she just wanted to be my friend. Here she is, waiting for me. She opens her eyes and looks up at me with this cheeky grin on her face, then glances across at anonymous Russian, and the smile quickly turns to confusion and horror. Grabbing her bag and clothes, she scrambles to get off the bed, tripping over my backpack pack and slamming into a set of lockers. "Claire, calm down," I whisper, trying not to **** up the 10 or so people ****** in the dorm "let me explain!". But she was gone. Russian looks at me and asks "Who was that girl, why was she in your bed?". "I have no idea" I replied. "But you called out her name"... Ah, my brain wasn't functioning so well after all.
Somehow, I managed to convince her to stay. Somehow, I manged to convince her to give me oral sex. Somehow, I forgot that right next to me are two Swedish girls, both awoken by the confrontation, and still awake now. I glance over to see there faces in a look of pure disbelief as a girls head bobs up and down on my lap. "Wait, let me explain!"
As soon as Russian notices, she get's extremely embarrassed. She stops, and tells me it's time to *****. Well FUCK you, full moon party. Both women I've tried to fuck in the last two days have provided me with nothing. And now, another problem. The day has arrived, and somehow I've got to get this time wasting Russian whore out of my room without the owner, who was ****** downstairs, seeing. Tthe owner was a decent, but pretty strict, guy. It was forbidden to bring guests into the rooms, and understandably, after the Swedes just got a load of my junk. I guess it was for security reasons too, which makes sense.
I pushed the girl out of bed and opened the door onto the balcony. "Climb" I commanded. I told her it was the only way out, to climb across all the balconies trying all the doors until one of them was open and she could walk through the building to the main door at street level. Not too easy for a girl with a raging hangover. I believe she did nearly slip and die, but being a tough old Russian, she never let on. "What? What the fuck are you doing up there?" I look down to see David, the hostel owner, starring back up at us. "Why the fuck didn't you just walk her through the door?"...
The girl had found a door that was open and turned back to me to say goodbye. "Well, I go now. Will I see you again?". "Honestly," I replied, "Probably not. I'm really sorry, but I have no idea who you are. I don't even know your name!"
"That's ok" she said, "I have no idea who you are either".
Thailand, full moon party. Legendary among the backpacker scene for being one of the most outrageous parties on the planet. 20,000+ people (sometimes over 50,000) dancing all night on the beach, fueled by a mixture of cheap *****, barely legal energy ***** and more often than not some sort of mind destroying ****, all mixed into a large beach bucket.
Of course one of the major attractions to the whole thing is the sex. Everyone is pairing off with everyone, and they all seem to escape the negative vibes of being a "slut".
The night before the main attraction, I had met a young european girl, for the sake of the story we'll call her Claire, and we were getting along very well. Sadly, she was a bit "fridged", as a 10 year old schoolboy might describe her. After spending only night together in her hostel with a small amount of fooling around, she decided she didn't want to get in with me because she just wanted to be my friend. "I've got enough friends" I thought to myself "so forget her...". A bad ending, but hey, plenty of fish in the sea (or plenty of ******* slutty fishes near the sea). The next night Full Moon had finally come around. I couldn't wait to party my heard out and then get off the damn island, I had been there too long and my body was feeling rather punished. As usual, me and the guys from the hostel had a few beers and headed down to the extremely overcrowded beach. I worked my way through the crowd to my usual bucket vendor, a Thai local named Jack, and got my fix. I figure as it was the last night for most people, he wanted to send me off with a bang. Whatever he put in the bucket along with the bottle of ***** blew my tiny little mind. The rest of the night is completely a blur.
I awoke in the sand sometime around 5.30am. I say awoke, but really I hadn't been ******, just completely blacked out. "What the fuck am I doing here" I thought, before trying to stand up and head back to the hostel. The standing process was cut short when I look down to see a girl lying in my arms. She looked unconcious. ****, who is she? Do I know her? Is she ****** out and I'm trying to help her? Was it ME who knocked her out?.. It was a confusing time, which doubled when she opened her eyes, mumbled something in what I thought was Russian, and kissed me on the lips. So she DID know me. At least I hadn't ******** her, she seemed pretty happy. She spoke again, this time in English, but with what was definitely a Russian accent. I asked if she wanted to come back to my hostel. "You've already asked me a hundred times, yes!". A begin to stumble in the direction of my bed, with her slightly holding me up while my legs tried to reconfigure themselves.
Along the way, I see a friend from the hostel walking towards us. He gives me a wave, and I quickly turn and walk in another direction. You see, I had no idea who this girl was, including her name. Imagine the awkwardness; "Oh, Pierre, let me introduce you to.... ****". My brain was obviously functioning much better than before.
I get her back to my dorm room without incident, probably the most incident free walk I'd had all week, nights before had envolved stolen motorcycles, fights with ladyboys and a crooked cop trying to plant ***** on me. Making out all the way up the stairs, we finally reach my bed. But it was not empty.
Lying there, half naked, is Claire, the girl from the night before who claimed she just wanted to be my friend. Here she is, waiting for me. She opens her eyes and looks up at me with this cheeky grin on her face, then glances across at anonymous Russian, and the smile quickly turns to confusion and horror. Grabbing her bag and clothes, she scrambles to get off the bed, tripping over my backpack pack and slamming into a set of lockers. "Claire, calm down," I whisper, trying not to **** up the 10 or so people ****** in the dorm "let me explain!". But she was gone. Russian looks at me and asks "Who was that girl, why was she in your bed?". "I have no idea" I replied. "But you called out her name"... Ah, my brain wasn't functioning so well after all.
Somehow, I managed to convince her to stay. Somehow, I manged to convince her to give me oral sex. Somehow, I forgot that right next to me are two Swedish girls, both awoken by the confrontation, and still awake now. I glance over to see there faces in a look of pure disbelief as a girls head bobs up and down on my lap. "Wait, let me explain!"
As soon as Russian notices, she get's extremely embarrassed. She stops, and tells me it's time to *****. Well FUCK you, full moon party. Both women I've tried to fuck in the last two days have provided me with nothing. And now, another problem. The day has arrived, and somehow I've got to get this time wasting Russian whore out of my room without the owner, who was ****** downstairs, seeing. Tthe owner was a decent, but pretty strict, guy. It was forbidden to bring guests into the rooms, and understandably, after the Swedes just got a load of my junk. I guess it was for security reasons too, which makes sense.
I pushed the girl out of bed and opened the door onto the balcony. "Climb" I commanded. I told her it was the only way out, to climb across all the balconies trying all the doors until one of them was open and she could walk through the building to the main door at street level. Not too easy for a girl with a raging hangover. I believe she did nearly slip and die, but being a tough old Russian, she never let on. "What? What the fuck are you doing up there?" I look down to see David, the hostel owner, starring back up at us. "Why the fuck didn't you just walk her through the door?"...
The girl had found a door that was open and turned back to me to say goodbye. "Well, I go now. Will I see you again?". "Honestly," I replied, "Probably not. I'm really sorry, but I have no idea who you are. I don't even know your name!"
"That's ok" she said, "I have no idea who you are either".
Where's the tits?
