Hehe, so true... 
Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in South Florida, you may not have realized that the Dade/Broward/Palm Beach County Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely for the South Florida Metropolitan Area.
GREATER MIAMI / FORT LAUDERDALE / PALM BEACH AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name:___________________
Stage name: ____________________
Agent:___________________
Attorney:_______________________
Therapist name:_________________
Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ____both
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
Yes___ No ___
Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
*If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:________________________
Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde [ ] Blue rinse
Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ]Skinhead
Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] ******** Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping **** in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting ******* (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading South Beach Magazine
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading
Please indicate how many times
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____
If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime.
b) Call Channel 5 News to report the crime, then track your car on the news in a high-speed chase.
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phonecompany for 911 call not going through.
d) Call your therapist.
In the event of a hurricane, you should:
a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best.
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 5
e) camp out under a bridge on the I-95.
f) Head down Alligator Alley at 120mph, horn blaring.
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
g) All of the above
h) None of the above
*If none, please explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) Less than 1 hour
b) 1 hour
c) 2 hours
d) 3 hours
e) 4 hours or more
* If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.
When stopped by police, you should:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the I-95.
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to ******, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.
When turning, you should always signal your intentions by:
a) using your directional signals.
b) what is a "directional signal"?
Which part of your car will wear out most often?
a) the wiper blades
b) the belts
c) the horn
The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
a) dark, poorly lit roads
b) flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
c) revenge!
Your rear view mirror is for:
a) watching for approaching cars
b) watching for approaching police cars
c) checking your hair
In the instance of rain, you should:
a) never drive over 5 MPH.
b) drive twice as fast as usual.
c) drive into the nearest canal.
Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in South Florida, you may not have realized that the Dade/Broward/Palm Beach County Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely for the South Florida Metropolitan Area.
GREATER MIAMI / FORT LAUDERDALE / PALM BEACH AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name:___________________
Stage name: ____________________
Agent:___________________
Attorney:_______________________
Therapist name:_________________
Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ____both
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
Yes___ No ___
Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
*If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:________________________
Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde [ ] Blue rinse
Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ]Skinhead
Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] ******** Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping **** in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting ******* (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading South Beach Magazine
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading
Please indicate how many times
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____
If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime.
b) Call Channel 5 News to report the crime, then track your car on the news in a high-speed chase.
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phonecompany for 911 call not going through.
d) Call your therapist.
In the event of a hurricane, you should:
a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best.
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 5
e) camp out under a bridge on the I-95.
f) Head down Alligator Alley at 120mph, horn blaring.
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
g) All of the above
h) None of the above
*If none, please explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) Less than 1 hour
b) 1 hour
c) 2 hours
d) 3 hours
e) 4 hours or more
* If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.
When stopped by police, you should:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the I-95.
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to ******, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.
When turning, you should always signal your intentions by:
a) using your directional signals.
b) what is a "directional signal"?
Which part of your car will wear out most often?
a) the wiper blades
b) the belts
c) the horn
The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
a) dark, poorly lit roads
b) flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
c) revenge!
Your rear view mirror is for:
a) watching for approaching cars
b) watching for approaching police cars
c) checking your hair
In the instance of rain, you should:
a) never drive over 5 MPH.
b) drive twice as fast as usual.
c) drive into the nearest canal.
