I would really like to think meesterperfect, dadysal, and D-rock. It is people like yourselves that keep me coming back here.
As I said before..I am trying really hard to not even give some of this other horrible behavior energy. It's kind of hard not too though. That's one of the unfortunate things about this industry. It DOES to to attract people that think it is ok to be really verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive to us because we in many people's eyes do not deserve the respect that we would have, had we worked in a different feild. The way that I have been able to maintain my mental health from it is to simply steer clear. This is why you never see my at conventions. I don't hardly EVER make personal appearances...and I don'ttake part in chat forums like this. MY new webmaster talked me into this so I gave it a shot. People and behavior like the ones on here that act like this one and a few other ones make it toxic for me and other girls. Most of us would take a much bigger part in making ourselves available and being much more personal with our fans if it wasn't for people like this that make us just want to hide in our turtle shells and not deal with it.
to walnersez- I did not "attack" you for being a nwbie That is absurd and obviously so. What I said was that I find it a little co-incidental that you created your id today and came STRAIGHT here to post this. I happen to know that there is a certain someone out there that is angry with me because of a legal battle that we are in and stemming from my accident. I just personally think that a lot of the TIMING of the behavior towards me lately on here sure does coinside with a recent altercation with my legal council. It could just be a co-incidnce...but I seriously doubt that it is. As far as your constant staements of .."oh she isnt denying that such a tape exhists" ...well..BULLSHIT. I have said NUMEROUS times that there is NO HARDCORE video of me out there.
AS far as your other allegations and judgments about my brain injuries and satating that I must have been drugged and what other nonsense you spouted..NO. I was explaining to many people on here what my life was like after my accident. I WAS on drugs after my accident as prescribed by my Dr' to try to even out my brain chemistry. My accident was not some simply throw off of a horse. As I have explained numerous times..I was not even expected to live to even make it TO the hospital. My fucking skull was slammed onto a rock while a horse fell on it's back with all of its weight on top of my skull and then proceeded to spin on its back and kick furiously trying to get up ...all the while...my upper spine and head and neck were underneath of him and sandwiched between the animal and the rock. My skull was broken in several places and my brain was homorraging. I was completely mentally handicapped for a LONG time after my accident. Once I got to the point where I could actually articulate and speak ok...I was still not able to understand, comprehend, remember, make any kind of rational decisions. It was really awful. I had people that I had known for 13 years take advantage of the situation. It was horrible. I was completely alone through it all because I couldn't even understand my situation...much less communicate that I needed help to anyone. I would have entire conversations with people and 30 minutes later...not remember a thing. I had very little short term memory at all. My Dr. had to put me on high doses of a certain medication to keep me from committing suicide. It was not that she was affraid I was so upset. It was due to the actual areas of my brain that were so damaged and the incredible off balance of the chemicals. I missed so many appointments with her just because I would start driving and not remember where I was going or how to get there. I started to keep notebooks all over the house to write what I was doing just to remember who I spoke to and whether or not I ate or fed the cat. Email certainly helped a lot too. Looking through my emails and seeing all of the comunications between myself anf others was interesting. Written proof in a couple of cases that people were WELL aware of my condition and then to see how they took advantage of this. For example. I had a male friend who was also a spiritual teacher of mine with his wife for 13 years. Less than 30 days or so out of my coma...when I was basically functioning like a 5 yr old...this person took advantage of me in a sexual way. Needless to say...he is no longer in my life. He is not the only person that did that to me. Another guy friend that I had for 6 years did the same thing. I couldn'teven begin to tell you what these past 3 years have been like. It has been pure hell. Now to be feeling better and having my new site up...which is doing great...and facing all the shit that I am still needing to fight and plow through from the damage that day did to my life. I lost years of my life because of ONE DAY. There are so many layers of predatory evils and injustices to all of this that no one could EVER comprehend. I HAVE...LITERALLY hundreds and hundreds of pages of medical files and evidence and neurolist statements and records to prove everything that I am saying. I have that because I have already had to prove it in court once and I WON! As a matter of fact..it was slam DUNK because it is the truth. You know...a lot of the attitude on here is somethig that we...as entertainers in this feild have to deal with ALL of the time and the worst ways imaginable. For example...the day of my accident...the man that caused it left me there on the ground under the horse to run into the house and grab ANOTHER drink. If it wasn't for the make-up artist who heard the loud BOOM of me and the horse hitting the rock...I would have been left for dead. A ranchhand came running when she (make up artist) started screaming and he got the horse off of me. She called 911. As I was being airlifted to the trauma center...the camera guys assistant stayed to break down the equipment and get the hell out of there. The rest of the crew went the hospital to see if I was dead or alive. The guy that casued the accident however ...did not. He was the producer. He was drunk. He out me on the wrong horse and then would NOT let me get down when the horse started acting spooked. I NEEDED his help to get down because I was naked and the horse was moving a lot. He just needed to grab the reins and hold him and let me get down. He told me "NO...just sit there...he will calm down". Seconds later my accident happened and he bolted and left me on the ground like that. Ok..so flash forward to the camera guys' assistant staying behind ot break down the equipment. YOu know what that sshole who nearly killed me said the camera guys assistant? He said "Well whatever happens with her, we are still shooting tomorrow so you'd BETTER show up". He then proceeded to drink some more and throw a BAR B QUE!!! I suppose in his eyes I didn't even deserve the tiniest amount of respect or concern because of the fact that ...what?...I am naked a lot in my job? In his eyes I was a lass valuable human being. I seem to be getting the same type of treatment here from a precious few and I am not the only one. For those of you who WANT us girls to keep coming back and take part in these types of forums...I suggest you start to help us weed out the people like this. Why should I come back here for continuous abuse from sone who has no respect, little ability to behave even in the slightest kind way, and on tope of it ...attacking me for absolutely no reason?
That line of "She's not too bright, but then she's a pornstar. Something that I just don'teven want to subject myself to. I have been through SO MUCH over the past 3 years. Why do I want to continue to come here...just to be attacked? It is un-deserved. It is cruel. It is precisely the reason that I am someone who has been called the white leopard of the adult industry. Everyone knows about me...but I am so rarely seen. I don't like to subject myself to people like this. That was only heightened by my accident and what was done to me afterwards and all that I went though. YOU people have NO IDEA. I have only shared about 2% of it. That's the Gods honest truth.
Peace....I'm out!
