My heart is breaking :(

[Alyssa Rose]

So recently I saw a message my husband sent to his ex g/f. It was just a recap of the last year or so and in it he said that he loves his job and his home life isn't 'unbearable' so he really can't complain. He ended it by saying that he's sorry for hurting her and for letting her 'slip away'.
My immediate thought is I don't understand because I thought everything was okay.. I thought we were happy.. I mean we argue but nothing to really make me think something was wrong. I don't know what to do guys, I mean this chick is so unstable, she like cuts herself and wears all black clothes and is all gothic and shit, the total opposite of me. What do I do? Just ignore it and hope it gets better and he realizes that its not all that bad with me? I mean I love him but I'm so tired of getting hurt. I'm so fucking tired of crying. I'm not perfect but I try really hard to make him happy. Ugh sorry guys I didn't mean to rant im just really confused and I needed to vent. So what do youguys think I should do?

 

[Philbert]

The politics of relationships make the Washington scene look like a vacation...
I don't know ya'll, but isn't it the truth that we don't know what we got 'til it's gone?
I tried to see what I had before that point as a younger guy, but in the end you and you alone decide how important someone is to you...
When home is all secure and easy, the adventure of a crazy chick seems more fun than it ever was up close and personal...
I feel for ya, but you gotta choose who to give your years on the planet to...
Good luck...stop crying and appreciate yourself!:thumbsup:

 

[Ace Boobtoucher]

Originally Posted by roronoa3000
Prostitution is always an opinion.

This is your high school sweetheart, right? And you are both fairly young? He needs to mature a little bit and knock it off. He needs to learn what his priorities are and keep the past in the past.

 

[ChefChiTown]

So recently I saw a message my husband sent to his ex g/f. It was just a recap of the last year or so and in it he said that he loves his job and his home life isn't 'unbearable' so he really can't complain. He ended it by saying that he's sorry for hurting her and for letting her 'slip away'.
My immediate thought is I don't understand because I thought everything was okay.. I thought we were happy.. I mean we argue but nothing to really make me think something was wrong. I don't know what to do guys, I mean this chick is so unstable, she like cuts herself and wears all black clothes and is all gothic and shit, the total opposite of me. What do I do? Just ignore it and hope it gets better and he realizes that its not all that bad with me? I mean I love him but I'm so tired of getting hurt. I'm so fucking tired of crying. I'm not perfect but I try really hard to make him happy. Ugh sorry guys I didn't mean to rant im just really confused and I needed to vent. So what do youguys think I should do?

My ex-girlfriend broke my heart. We dated for 3 years, I loved her, I wanted to marry her, have kids with her, buy a house with her, etc. After 3 years of dating, she broke up with me out of nowhere and eventually came out of the closet. She used me so she could feel normal and, when she didn't need me anymore, she dumped me.

That was 8 years ago now. But, to this day, I still have a place in my heart for her. I want her to be happy, I want her to be loved - she ruined my life, but I still wish the best for her.

Currently, I am in love with someone else. I love this girl more than anything I have ever known in my entire life (about a million times more than I loved my ex). But, I still have emotional leftovers from me and my ex, even though we haven't been together for over 8 years. It doesn't mean that I want to be with her, it doesn't mean that I'm still in love with her...it just means that she is part of my past and, like it or not, that makes her a big part of my life.

The point I'm trying to make is that, even though you two are married, the fact that this girl is his ex isn't ever going to change. Like it or not, there is always going to be a piece of his heart that has her name written all over it. But, that doesn't mean that piece of his heart is in love with her or even wants to be with her. It's easier said than done, but try your best not to look too far into this. And, if you still can't put your heart at ease, just sit down and talk to him about it. Ask him what his genuine feelings are; not just about his ex, but about you and your marriage as well.

Good luck.

 

[Alyssa Rose]

My ex-girlfriend broke my heart. We dated for 3 years, I loved her, I wanted to marry her, have kids with her, buy a house with her, etc. After 3 years of dating, she broke up with me out of nowhere and eventually came out of the closet. She used me so she could feel normal and, when she didn't need me anymore, she dumped me.

That was 8 years ago now. But, to this day, I still have a place in my heart for her. I want her to be happy, I want her to be loved - she ruined my life, but I still wish the best for her.

Currently, I am in love with someone else. I love this girl more than anything I have ever known in my entire life (about a million times more than I loved my ex). But, I still have emotional leftovers from me and my ex, even though we haven't been together for over 8 years. It doesn't mean that I want to be with her, it doesn't mean that I'm still in love with her...it just means that she is part of my past and, like it or not, that makes her a big part of my life.

The point I'm trying to make is that, even though you two are married, the fact that this girl is his ex isn't ever going to change. Like it or not, there is always going to be a piece of his heart that has her name written all over it. But, that doesn't mean that piece of his heart is in love with her or even wants to be with her. It's easier said than done, but try your best not to look too far into this. And, if you still can't put your heart at ease, just sit down and talk to him about it. Ask him what his genuine feelings are; not just about his ex, but about you and your marriage as well.

Good luck.

Thank you chef.. I get what your saying. She was the girl he lost his virginity to and he was the guy I lost mine to. So its just been this big triangle since high school and its really taking a toll on me. I really appreciate your perspective it really helps me understand it a little better.

 

[BlueBalls]

The point I'm trying to make is that, even though you two are married, the fact that this girl is his ex isn't ever going to change. Like it or not, there is always going to be a piece of his heart that has her name written all over it. But, that doesn't mean that piece of his heart is in love with her or even wants to be with her. It's easier said than done, but try your best not to look too far into this. And, if you still can't put your heart at ease, just sit down and talk to him about it. Ask him what his genuine feelings are; not just about his ex, but about you and your marriage as well.

Good luck.

^ This.


Well said, Chef.

 

[hiropro]

Maybe he just wants to keep in touch with her as a friend.I still keep in touch with a couple of mine.Take care and look after yourself.

:wave:

 

[LaLiLuLeLohan]

You say she's unstable and cuts herself...so maybe those things he said to her are his way of not trying to upset her or leave her with any more self doubt or low self-esteem.

Confront him and let him know you're aware of his message. That's the only thing you can do. Ask him about it without projecting your concerns. Allow him to explain without feeling the need to be defensive and go from there.

 

[Embryoyo]

The point I'm trying to make is that, even though you two are married, the fact that this girl is his ex isn't ever going to change. Like it or not, there is always going to be a piece of his heart that has her name written all over it. But, that doesn't mean that piece of his heart is in love with her or even wants to be with her. It's easier said than done, but try your best not to look too far into this. And, if you still can't put your heart at ease, just sit down and talk to him about it. Ask him what his genuine feelings are; not just about his ex, but about you and your marriage as well.

Good luck.

Damn, that was so nicely articulated... Rep for that, man! I couldn't ad a thing to it if I wanted to.

 

[Hot Mega]

HSS sorry you're feeling this way and it's understandable. But the good news is he married you AND don't discount the fact that he may just be blowing guilt smoke up her arse.

Some men are guilty in that way. The only reasonable thing you can do is keep reminding him why he made you his wife in the first place. And that may not entail the sexual side.

From what I have seen of you, you are quite witty, funny apparently pretty intelligent...those are very capable, desirable qualities. I'm not sure if those are characteristics your hubby pays attention to but is it possible you've forgotten the things that made him want to marry you?

Also, I would add men like to hunt...it doesn't usually make a man want you more if you take the hunt out of the game.:2 cents: Some women believe being at their man's beck and call makes him happier. Well it temporarily does..but long term it doesn't.

Lastly, give him a reason to recognize what he has... Meet him for drinks or dinner or something. The key is to show up there before him looking your best. A new, sexy outfit or something...And when he gets there and sees the amount of attention you may possibly be getting...he will remember what he has.

Hope everything works out...but DON'T be sad and downtrodden....that is very unattractive no matter the circumstance.:2 cents:

Don't bring the email up to him...he likely will feel betrayed and that is a hard one to win back.

 

[Will E Worm]

Well, you did say you separated for awhile and "*saw other people"

*Slept around

This was bound to happen.

Forgive him and move on. :hatsoff:

 

[thebear247]

i see the way you two talk to each other on facebook and the love you have for him when you talk about him.
the bottom line it doesnt matter how he feels or felt about some woman he loves you and comes home to you at the end of the day.

 

[HELLRAISER]

He's a douchebag for telling his ex that he's sorry for letting her slip away

 

[~~whimsy~~]

If all he said was it's not unbearable and can't complain. It could have been a casual answer for something he does not want to rub in her face by saying it's great and possibly rubbing salt into an old wound she has or whatever. If she is unstable he might be taking it the casual answer route and move on swiftly to the next topic or whatever. Who knows.

Thing is, guys get emotionally torn up over women, whether they know it or not. I am still torn up over two girls from my past. One girl I am beginning to slightly move on from and being able to not be so torn about it. The other one I am reminded here and there about how things went downhill once some asshole got involved and pretty much dragged her down. I still love her, adore her, and want the best. Therefore, if she was to ask me how is the relationship with my girlfriend, I would tell her something along the line of "it's going great."

Despite it going awesome, I will answer in a casual manner, as to not basically punch through her chest and go on and on and on and on about my girlfriend and possibly make her feel bad or sad or anything. See? So with an unstable person you can see how had he went on and on about how great every thing is, this girl cuts, she is unstable... that would spell out BAD NEWS.

I don't know how your marriage life is, home life, or any thing personal outside of what you say on here. I am unable to comment any further.

 

[feller469]

Do what is best for you. Good luck

 

[JayJohn85]

My ex-girlfriend broke my heart. We dated for 3 years, I loved her, I wanted to marry her, have kids with her, buy a house with her, etc. After 3 years of dating, she broke up with me out of nowhere and eventually came out of the closet. She used me so she could feel normal and, when she didn't need me anymore, she dumped me.

That was 8 years ago now. But, to this day, I still have a place in my heart for her. I want her to be happy, I want her to be loved - she ruined my life, but I still wish the best for her.

Currently, I am in love with someone else. I love this girl more than anything I have ever known in my entire life (about a million times more than I loved my ex). But, I still have emotional leftovers from me and my ex, even though we haven't been together for over 8 years. It doesn't mean that I want to be with her, it doesn't mean that I'm still in love with her...it just means that she is part of my past and, like it or not, that makes her a big part of my life.

The point I'm trying to make is that, even though you two are married, the fact that this girl is his ex isn't ever going to change. Like it or not, there is always going to be a piece of his heart that has her name written all over it. But, that doesn't mean that piece of his heart is in love with her or even wants to be with her. It's easier said than done, but try your best not to look too far into this. And, if you still can't put your heart at ease, just sit down and talk to him about it. Ask him what his genuine feelings are; not just about his ex, but about you and your marriage as well.

Good luck.

This is kinda true but still hes fooking texting her.....What is that about, I would confront him about his intentions. I am sorry I dont want to be like the nay sayer but thinking things and taking action are two different things.....You say yourself he has sent texts.

 

[Hypergalaxy]

I do not understand why people so often choose to do the exact opposite of what is best for the relationship. You clearly have a problem with him not being open enough to you so dont do the exact same thing and talk about him to a public forum go talk to him one on one. Dig deep and see if there is a problem. Tell him how his message made you feel and if he really cares for you he will talk back and you guys will be able to work things out. If he doesnt well I am sorry but then you have a whole different answer.


I dont know how long you guys have been married but its completely normal for things to get a little stale or for you guys to miss the excitement of the old days/ex bfs/gfs but both need to acknowledge that and create new excitement together. Dont get so use to each other that you forget to keep it fresh.

Best of luck to the both of you now get off the computer and go talk to your husband

 

[Alyssa Rose]

I do not understand why people so often choose to do the exact opposite of what is best for the relationship. You clearly have a problem with him not being open enough to you so dont do the exact same thing and talk about him to a public forum go talk to him one on one. Dig deep and see if there is a problem. Tell him how his message made you feel and if he really cares for you he will talk back and you guys will be able to work things out. If he doesnt well I am sorry but then you have a whole different answer.


I dont know how long you guys have been married but its completely normal for things to get a little stale or for you guys to miss the excitement of the old days/ex bfs/gfs but both need to acknowledge that and create new excitement together. Dont get so use to each other that you forget to keep it fresh.

Best of luck to the both of you now get off the computer and go talk to your husband

I've already spoken to him about it and he pretty much says what chef said except just not in such simpleness. He has told me he isn't in love with her but that he thiks of her from time to time and he still cares about her because she was a pretty big part of his life back before me, which I understand. However I just wanted some other guys opinions on the situation and where better then freeones to get mens advice?

 

[No_Man]

In general, I agree with Chef. I have some of those exes in my past too. The ones I just can't help but say, "What if...?" It's very normal, impossible to avoid, and fairly innocuous.

That said, this still concerns me a bit. Daydreaming every once in a while about "what-ifs" and e-mailing them an update about your life, marriage, and current feelings towards them are two VERY different things. I would never, EVER say those types of things to an ex I still had remnant feelings for, even if she contacted me first. I care about my marriage too much to take a risk like that.

So for me, the issue here is not that he feels a little regret about breaking up with her. That's natural and unavoidable. The issue is that he said so to her. He's asking for trouble, and I would talk to him about it.

 

[Hypergalaxy]

I've already spoken to him about it and he pretty much says what chef said except just not in such simpleness. He has told me he isn't in love with her but that he thiks of her from time to time and he still cares about her because she was a pretty big part of his life back before me, which I understand. However I just wanted some other guys opinions on the situation and where better then freeones to get mens advice?

Well then I would just take his word for it. What he said is true we all not just men have some love that gets left with people we had a strong connection to. Even you I am sure can think of a past bf that you still care for in some way. As long as he doesnt let it become more than a friendship. Have you thought about reaching out to her and possibly becoming a friend?

True you will get advice although I dont know how good it will be :1orglaugh