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I feel sorry for people who don't *****. When they **** up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't *****, they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes ****** to be ***** to spend time with his fools.
--Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do *****. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway
Time is never ****** when you're ****** all the time.
-Catherine Zandonella
Non-Drinker: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of *******.
--Anonymous
******** provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
--Timothy Walsh
A woman drove me to ***** and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--Anonymous
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of ********, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get ****** all of the time and have the time of your life.
--Michelle Mastrolacasa
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright
When we *****, we get *****. When we get *****, we fall ******. When we fall ******, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get *****, and go to heaven...
--Brian O'Rourke
You can't be a real country unless you have a **** and an airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a ****.
--Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of ******* than ******* has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill
**** is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while ******** ****, I bet it makes **** shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is ****. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Why is American **** served cold? So you can tell it from *****.
--David Moulton
Give me a woman who loves **** and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm
I would **** everyone in this room for a drop of sweet ****.
--Homer Simpson
All right, Brain, I don't like you... and you don't like me, so let's just do this and I'll get back to ******* you with ****.
--Homer Simpson
