The word flaming is in incognito for another term which we know as "instigating" in the real world. It's one who goes out of his way to start a "flame war" or in other terms start an argument, but in the online world arguments are different than in the streets. Arguments on the internet consist of verbal attacks 99.9% of the time and rarely escalate to violent fights in real life. Real fights in the real world do happen, but this is one of those things that isn't usually considered when talking about flaming someone.
The original poster may be one of the people who initially start the fight because of egotistical views or a misconception brought on by the reader usually through no fault of the original poster. It's hard to classify who is at fault, but the reader is the one who tends to escolate it to a higher level rather than the op intended most of the time. If the original poster did therefore both are at fault.
There is a difference between joking and flaming. If the flame is a one sided agenda and the original poster(op) did not intend for it to escalate then the reader is at fault. If the reader does not defend himself in a timely manner or just ignores it someone else will most likely step in if they don't agree with the reader. They will add fuel to the fire.
Internet Trolls: People who intend on starting flame wars because they have nothing better to do or too much time on their hands. They usually intend harm on the person, but usually won't go as far as physically hurting the person. They intend in starting an uproar in the persons views.
I could write a 2,500 word essay on this shit. It's a mind game people play on people. Remember Petra your a whore if you don't give me a blowjob, but if you do give me a blowjob then your still a whore. They will twist reality and your own views to hurt you. They usually know what they're doing when they start a flame war.
So Petra... Do I get the blowjob or not? Remember the incorrect answer intends something negative and the correct answer will be turned on you in a flash.
Please don't ban me Petra I am weak internet troll. If you do decide to ban me remember I will become more powerful than batman, superman, and all the internet trolls combined.
*hint* remember the part of fucking with your mind? Once you ban me my job has become successful, but you had no other option. In the end trolls gain reputation from different levels of being banned. It's better to not feed the trolls and let them die slowly and banning is an option of course!