Crap poop

[Wainkerr99]

I have been to England, Wales, Eire, Tenerife, San Juan, and all over Southern Africa, yet never have I ever had the poop nightmare actually come true, (the one you have when your system is trying to wake you up to go to the loo), until coming to the States.

I cannot, for the life of me, comprehend WHY the F*CK or HOW the F*CK anyone would or could design a toilet like the ones in use in the United States of Corporation*. I mean America. This thing is dismal, disgusting, almost useless. Here is the design:

http://www.homecenter.com/product_A...mam=24081043&zmas=1&zmac=28&zmap=2234.015.045

Basically what happens is, you sit on the thing. Your dick doesn't quite avoid the billion bacteria infested area. The toilet seat paper doesn't quite cover the seat. It is so designed you sit so close to the water as to give you disease. It doesn't flush properly. Ever.

Maybe I should put this in the annoyances thread, but I am curious to know what toilets are like in other countries. Is it just here? Really, I would rather crap into an open hole like I have heard they do in some Thai restaurants.

I never had a problem until now.

It freaks me out as I am scrupulously clean in my habits. Now, well 'nuff said.

The thing that bothers me is this frigging piece of design misery is common through the entire country, everywhere you go.

WTF???!!! What kind of asshole would design such a thing? Really?










*Acknowledgment to Facetious.

Oh, and have fun. :eek: :hatsoff:

 

[jod0565]

Leave America and don't return if it's such a problem.
What do they look like in your country? A nice fluffy couch?

 

[biomech]

Leave America and don't return if it's such a problem.
What do they look like in your country? A nice fluffy couch?

Thats funny.:rofl2:

 

[PirateKing]

i have somehow survived all these years of using an american toilet. im sure you can figure it out.

 

[BlueBalls]

What would Slavoj Žižek say?

 

[Legzman]

what do british toilets look like?

 

[BlueBalls]

what do british toilets look like?

Have you ever seen that scene in Trainspotting where he goes swimming in that really nasty toilet?

That.

 

[Ace Bandage]

Have you ever seen that scene in Trainspotting where he goes swimming in that really nasty toilet?

That.

You had to bring that up, didn't you? Years of therapy had erased the memories of watching Ewan dig through that toilet, and yet you've brought them back to the forefront in one fell swoop. Thank you as always! :hatsoff:

 

[sdj374]

Have you ever seen that scene in Trainspotting where he goes swimming in that really nasty toilet?

That.

Ah yes. The brilliant gold tap. The virginal white marble. A seat carved from ebony. I remember it well.

 

[BlueBalls]

You had to bring that up, didn't you? Years of therapy had erased the memories of watching Ewan dig through that toilet, and yet you've brought them back to the forefront in one fell swoop. Thank you as always! :hatsoff:

As always, I'm glad to have been of service. :hatsoff:

 

[lurkingdirk]

I do prefer something more elaborate myself.

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[PlasmaTwa2]

^ He truly is "lucky Pierre".

 

[Facetious]

I cannot, for the life of me, comprehend WHY the F*CK or HOW the F*CK anyone would or could design a toilet like the ones in use in the United States of Corporation*. I mean America. This thing is dismal, disgusting, almost useless. Here is the design:

http://www.homecenter.com/product_A...mam=24081043&zmas=1&zmac=28&zmap=2234.015.045

Basically what happens is, you sit on the thing. Your dick doesn't quite avoid the billion bacteria infested area. The toilet seat paper doesn't quite cover the seat. It is so designed you sit so close to the water as to give you disease.

I never have a problem with constipation anyways so I don't even need to sit down on my own ''**** and span'' (a name for a bath, tub & tile cleaner before it was taken off of the market for having racist implications :shy e.g. spotless / clean as a whistle toilet. . .
but yeah, there could be some room added in this area I suppose

It doesn't flush properly. Ever.

That's because of government regulations, these "low flow toilets" :hammer: I have one of 'em in my upstairs bathroom, th' thing is supposed to save water and whatta buncha bs that is ! I don't even use it to pooh in the thing is such a nightmare... and I'll just leave it there as I'm thinking about today's luncheon.


SMILE Wainky ! You're A - L - I - V - E

*Acknowledgment to Facetious.

:bowdown:

 

[JayJohn85]

Public toilet in the uk? Its like layer upon layer of bog roll before you dare sit on the thing.

 

[BlueBalls]

Public toilet in the uk? Its like layer upon layer of bog roll before you dare sit on the thing.

You seem to have left out the most important safety tip about British public toilets. :nono: Of course what our friend JJ says is true - safety first and all that. But, there is also one thing that you all must learn before you can even set foot in a public bathroom in the UK and live to tell the tale. And that is how to dodge the god damn cottagers! And also (of course) the advances from that one lone wanker in the corner of the room "watching".

Now friends, here is what you do. When entering a public toilet in the UK (which I advise you never to do) and you hear a faint moaning from the far corner of the room. Do not take this as a sign of someone in distress, do not take it as someone with constipation, do not follow your instincts to ask if they need assistance. No, just zip up and leave.

Even if it turns out that someone has been knifed several times and was bleeding out onto the floor, do not look, do not turn, just walk out of the room as fast as you can. You DO NOT want to take that chance, believe me. A few deaths are a small price to pay for your own peace of mind and well being.

So, now you have this information. Use it to your own advantage whenever you find yourself wandering into a public bathroom.

In fact just don't go into them full stop and you'll be fine. :thumbsup:

 

[catweasel28]

Is anyone familiar with the sort of loos you get in Germany and Holland where you crap on this ledge just above the bowl?
I take it that it's for retrieving small valuable items that You Might have inadvertantly swallowed (e.g. gold ring). Not that I've ever done such a thing.

 

[JayJohn85]

Even if someone has been knifed several times and is bleeding out on the floor, do not look, do not turn, just walk out of the room as fast as you can. You DO NOT want to take that chance. A few deaths are a small price to pay for your own peace of mind and well being.

I'd rep if I could lol.

 

[BlueBalls]

EDIT: ^^^ No worries.

What would Slavoj Žižek say?

Is anyone familiar with the sort of loos you get in Germany and Holland where you crap on this ledge just above the bowl?
I take it that it's for retrieving small valuable items that You Might have inadvertantly swallowed (e.g. gold ring). Not that I've ever done such a thing.

The Germans are great intellectuals and philosophers. They like to contemplate the meaning of their excrement before they flush it away.

 

[lurkingdirk]

The Germans are great intellectuals and philosophers. They like to contemplate the meaning of their excrement before they flush it away.

Some cultures examine tea leaves, some read palms, some navel gaze.

Germans consider poop.

What's the problem? Look at their philosophical tradition of excellence for the last 300 years - It's the poop that got them there.

 

[catweasel28]

EDIT: ^^^ No worries.





The Germans are great intellectuals and philosophers. They like to contemplate the meaning of their excrement before they flush it away.

Come to think of it - the manufacturers were called Hegel und Schopenhauer!