Cheating...Is It Forgivable?

[ChefChiTown]

There's random threads about this already, but they're all really old and suck. Anyway...

I had a conversation earlier with a female friend of mine and we started talking about cheating during a relationship. Our conversation just really got me thinking about how wide of a variety of feelings there are regarding cheating and I wondered what other people's opinions are.

My friend thinks that cheating can be forgivable under certain circumstances. She thinks it's ok if you're drunk, if you haven't seen your significant other in a while, the whole "area code" thing or if you "only" make out, perform oral sex or mutually masturbate eachother. At the same time, she used to constantly bitch to me about how her boyfriend would just hang out with other girls, in a completely non-sexual, non-emotional way. So, I was left a little confused.

Personally, I think it's absolutely inexcusable and completely unforgivable. I'm an old school guy who believes in commitment. I've been cheated on before and it was one of the worst feelings I've ever felt before. My girlfriend (at the time) was on Spring Break in Florida with her friends and ended up sleeping with some random ass dude. I found out about it from my MOM (long story) and confronted her about it. She tried to justify the fact that she had sex with another guy by telling me, "He wasn't in me for long." Like THAT makes it any better.

Anyway, I just wanted to know what you guys/girls thought about cheating. I'm interested in hearing what other people think.

 

[belfastsixpack]

Personally, I have only cheated once. I was away, and i hadn't seen my girlfriend in a while plus we had only been dating for a little while. When she and i started dating we confirmed that it wouldn't be serious considering we were both coming off big relationships. Anyways, I was away and met this girl from Turkey (with a WICKED hot accent if you're into that kind of thing) and we just immediately clicked. We hooked up for the three weeks while I was away and had some fun. But anyways, when I got home, I felt pretty bad and she was pretty bummed, but in the end I think she has forgiven me.

My take on it: although it is never acceptable, under certain circumstances, cheating is understandable and forgivable.

 

[Undertaker]

my opinion is this...

if you really gotta cheat then be a man and break up with the girl your with.

don't be no backstabbing son of a bitch...

(this post isn't pointed at someone special, just some random rant.)

 

[sputnikgirl]

If it's uncertain whether or not the relationship is to the point of committed (as in, dating exclusively) then I don't see a problem, and I wouldn't consider that cheating. But if you know the status of the relationship, and have been in it for a while, then it's unexcusable.

 

[halo68]

My ex-wife cheated on me in our marriage and it ruined everything, we are friends now and we have children together (i have custody of them not her) and we are the best of friends now though it took a while...my point?
Bridges that are burnt can be rebuilt if both parties are willing, but the bridges that are NUKED cannot be rebuilt....she did some damage that still exists to this day and probably accounts for my low self-esteem and pessimistic attitude (is that spelled right? pessimistic? oh well)
I guess my opinion, for what it's worth, is that cheating cannot be forgiven....to me at least.
My 2-cents.

 

[ckjedi66]

It cannot be forgiven. It destroys trust, it destroys love, it destroys people's sense of worth. My ex-wife never cheated on me (as far as I know anyway), but she tried to one time that I just recently found out about (the person she tried to with is now her b/f, but back then he SUPPOSEDLY turned her away). Even though it was a few years ago and I didn't know about it, to me that was the beginning of the end of our marriage.

 

[Sinder]

I don't think it is forgivable, if you choose to cheat rather than work out the problems in the relationship or end it, there is just no excuse, it's unforgivable to me. And alcohol doesn't make you do things you don't want to do, all it does is give you the nerve to do what you already want to do.

 

[bigbadbrody]

I had two GF's who cheated on me and as soon as I found out I ended it with them instantly. I want all the attention focused on me, not distractions allowed

 

[ChefChiTown]

Wow, I'm honestly surprised to see that so many others have been cheated on. I know it sounds bad of me to say this, even though I don't mean anything negative by it at all, but...it's kind of reassuring to see that I'm not the only one.

After I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me I had a reeeeally hard time trusting people. I gave her 110% commitment and dedication and I gave up absolutely everything for her...my future, my dreams, everything...I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of our lives together. Then, I found out she cheated on me and I had a pretty hard time finding a reason to live. After a while, a long while, I got over it and was ready to move on.

I guess I just don't understand what "today's" relationships are based on. I was always to understand that a good relationship was based on trust, honesty and commitment. But, I know of so many people that don't have a problem dating one person while they "mess around" with someone else on the side. Then, they continue on with their relationship as if nothing happened. Maybe it was the way I was raised by my parents, but I just don't get it. :dunno:

 

[Aegis]

Not only do I think that cheating is a despicable act, I also think the same of people who knowingly has sex/makes out with another person's partner. Both are inexcusable IMO, and whether it's forgivable I guess is completely up to the person who is cheated on.

What saddens me is just that I know so many people who do it.

 

[LordVader66]

There has not been one person that I have been in a serious relationship that I have not cheated on, however when my wife and I were dating I cheated on her. She did not find out until right before we got married and she forgave me. There were a number of things I was into when we first started dating and she decided that she could forgive that. We have been married for four years and I honestly have not cheated on her in six years. In the past I didn't think about the damage I did to other people. All I knew is that I did who and what I wanted whenever I wanted. I would also like to point out that I did not cheat on my significant others until the relationships went sour. At that point we should have broken up but it didn't happen like that. A little off topic so I shall get back to the point. Cheating is inexcusable and it effects more people than just the ones cheating.

 

[slowhand]

Yes cheating to me is Forgivable.


My ex girlfriend cheated on me years ago and I could not forgive her for that Once a cheat always a cheat in my book. if something is going worng in your relationship you need to fix and if you cant. You need to move on and not cheat on your lover.

 

[jumbo_jim]

Cheating at a sport is expected. If you ain't cheating you ain't trying.

However cheating in relationships iw wrong and although there are many reasons for it, some of which are very understandable but none are forgivable.

 

[slowhand]

Yes cheating to me is UnForgivable.


My ex girlfriend cheated on me years ago and I could not forgive her for that Once a cheat always a cheat in my book. if something is going worng in your relationship you need to fix and if you cant. You need to move on and not cheat on your lover.

Ok let me clear this mistake I meant UnForgivable.

 

[pussyman69]

I am a married man,and as much as i would love to have my cake and eat it too i know that i cant and it wouldnt be right.
I would hate it if she did it to me as well.In closing,those couples that are into swinging-I ENVY YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[jamrak]

first of all I'd like to make it clear - what is "cheating"?

if having sex with someone else except your constant gf/wife is called "cheating" I'd better say that it is silly, rather than unforgivable or forgivable.

"cheating" becomes real cheating and real betrayal only when it is contrary to what people are telling each other. if your wife swears every night that you are her "one and only", and you are naive enough to believe in that, and one day you find out that she fucks with someone else - it is cheating. but again, to my mind it is just the problem of being naive.

but if two people openly tell each other that they see nothing wrong in sex with other people, and build their relations based on that origin, they hardly ever face a problem that called "cheating". as easy as that.

 

[Christmas_Ape]

Remember, whatever doesn't make you stronger, kills you.

 

[Calm]

I wouldn't be able to forgive, even if I wanted to.
I've never had anyone cheat on my by having sex but once my gf made out with this other guy when she was drunk. She regretted it and we got back together but for a month or so it was eating my inside, I was consumed with jealousy, I couldn't stop thinking about it and imagining it and I couldn't trust her anymore, every time she told me she's going out "with the girls" I was reminded of this incident.

 

[member006]

I have always felt cheating is just a plain and simple a unnecessary action for anyone under any circumstances. I know, I know give me a minute to word what I'm trying to say. lol

If I'm in a relationship that's exclusive on any level and start feeling attracted to someone else for any reason it immediately throws up a flag. Placing doubt in my mind if I truly am as committed to or in love with my partner. I'm a firm believer that you don't feel desire for someone else if you are committed to someone and in love. If you are attracted to someone else and have doubts end it I say. Why put yourself or your partner to the test? It is a no win action that only can end it hurt. Anytime cheating happens its not just the two involved that are affected. Friends, family are also often hurt on some level. Remember that. Its not about just you.

Someone else may spark some interest as far as liking something I like, ability to give me more stimulating conversation or a broader range of discussion. My ex could only talk football, motorcycles and car engines, I learned to do that with him and to be a good listener, but he was limited to that. So I had male "friends" that I had great talks with, some even his buddies. Never did I want to go any further, I loved my partner.

Forgivable? I think that is entirely up to those involved and on a case by case assessment by them. I see no yes or no answer possible all people are different and so are all situations. All IMO only of course.

My answer? I don't want someone who doesn't want only me, so be a man and cut me loose. Don't cheat, just leave.

LL

 

[calpoon]

good point there jam.

to me at least, it depends on the relationship.

If you have what's known as an "open relationship" where it's decided that it's acceptible for both you and your partner to have other partners, then it's really not a cheat at all in anyway to see other people.

If you are dating someone, that is your relationship is based on a case by case trial and situational for the intent of getting to know a person and see if you are compatable for a longer term/commitment, then the implication is that you may just choose to not take it to the next level and both parties are just "shopping around" and may have the same relationship with several other people. I think this is often the case with most budding relationships and while toes might get stepped on from time to time, it's not really callous to go about this way. You shouldn't expect someone that you hardly know and have only seen a few times to be totally commited to you for the long term. that would be naive.

Now if you are seeing someone and you decided that it is serious, that you intend to stay in the relationship and not see other people, then seeing other people would be cheating and it would be wrong because it went against your word and broke what you had. especially if you lied about it or did it secretly. I don't think it would be forgivable because you wouldn't be getting your expectation and that person who cheated wouldn't be holding up thier end of the relationship, and so it would be pointless to continue.

The real complicated scenario is that you are in the above situation, but you are honest to your partner about it. you tell them that you have seen other people, that you just don't feel like being in a monogamous relationship, but that you do still want to be in a relationship and all the ways that you feel about them haven't changed, but that you may continue to see other people as well. This is the case where one person wants an open relationship and the other person wants a closed relationship. I don't think that that would be unforgivable and it might be possible to maintain a relationship out of that, but it would really depend on what you were willing to accept. there is no easy answer there.

In a marriage, it's absolutly expected that there is a total commitment from the start and even the above described scenario wouldn't be acceptible or forgivable. the only way that it would be accepted to see other people is that if it was consented to being an open relationship prior to the marriage and with the knowledge that it would still be so afterwards. I don't really see that working out, because if the people have the feelings that they want to have a commitment enough to get married, then it seems likely that one of them will probably develop monogamous feelings and that it will create problems in the future between the two.