raven_azrael
Banned
Does the topic really matter. I don´t know. Will I write it correctly. I don´t care (english is notmy first language). I am numb, hollow, empty. Just writing a random blog as catharsis (my blog is at myspace). Some people say everybody has felt that way at least once, however, how many people feel it all the time. Having to show fake smiles and laughing without meaning it. Avoiding human contact or not caring about going out or socializing. Just being me. Trying to ask myself but didn´t hear any voice in my head that says I am gonna be allright. I have even gone to fortune tellers. Yeah I know it sounded stupid, but started believing after once one woman told me many things that happen in 99% accuracy (unfortunately 100% of them were not good). So, 27 years, the older ones say I am young, but I have seen people achieve more things before my age. I am an accountant, despite not liking it I know it was my best financial choice, however, depression let me meet my real passion, writing. I can create a story with plot and twists in 5 minutes, maybe because I want to take my mind outside reality or create my own. But hey, I live in Perú, so if it is harder to get a living in USA as screen writer, here we do not have an industry and just 2 network that believes in tv shows (unfortunately they prefer real live rip-offs or social problems than fiction or dramas- more American tv style, which is my strenght). So trying to get to producers and getting answers like: Nobody has done it here, so nobody will believe in that. Or a supernatural show in Latin America won´t be believable or what about, “you should not have people stuck in their couchs, they need to get up, eat while watching tv”. I may be be too good, but I watch this guys tv and is worst than mine. So as an accountant by day, always have to hear the questions: When are you studying an MBA?. Oh God, I won´t spend that much money, I wanna try what I like, just need to safe more money. So I will try. Many guys don´t take me serious, but well, there is a thin line that divides stupid and genious, I have to go to any of the sides.
Changing of topic. IS there a marriage syndrome? It is amazing how many people gests married nowadays. I can´t believe that some people wanna get marry after 2 months of relationship and one reason given to me is: “He is a good guy”. (Yeah, I feel jelous, cause I think I have been in love with my best friend, but she saw me as a ******* and we both were 180° different and I was afraid of screwing up. She always choose bad guys and said I was too “quiet” for her. So the guy she would marry is quieter than me. Well I won´t do anything, maybe she is really happy, I really hope so. Hmm besides that, maybe I am not that good on women, due to the fact I don´t have that elevated self steam. I don´t know, I am not that bad, but well my I liked my ex gf and I didn´t care that much she was not Nicole Kidman, we almost get married but I was 23, was too early. We both decide to break up. Then, if I get any girls, are the ones maybe not so many people like. It is like, economically speaking, supply and demand do not match.
Am I wrong at wanting to have a gf who I like physically? Well, I guess time will tell. My plan now is to go to Canada and try to get to Vancouver so I can get a job at a studio, but it is a long term plan, first have to do all the paper work at the embassy, and it takes almost 2 years. Would be faster if I marry a Canadian girl ( 8 months) lol. I know some people pay to get marry an American or Candian citizen so then they are able to get residence. Well, I am not looking forward to that, but that would be a good story for a movie.
Gotta go, just end this with a song I have being listening to all day. It is Stone Sour- Though glass.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIzDsGyxsQM
Changing of topic. IS there a marriage syndrome? It is amazing how many people gests married nowadays. I can´t believe that some people wanna get marry after 2 months of relationship and one reason given to me is: “He is a good guy”. (Yeah, I feel jelous, cause I think I have been in love with my best friend, but she saw me as a ******* and we both were 180° different and I was afraid of screwing up. She always choose bad guys and said I was too “quiet” for her. So the guy she would marry is quieter than me. Well I won´t do anything, maybe she is really happy, I really hope so. Hmm besides that, maybe I am not that good on women, due to the fact I don´t have that elevated self steam. I don´t know, I am not that bad, but well my I liked my ex gf and I didn´t care that much she was not Nicole Kidman, we almost get married but I was 23, was too early. We both decide to break up. Then, if I get any girls, are the ones maybe not so many people like. It is like, economically speaking, supply and demand do not match.
Am I wrong at wanting to have a gf who I like physically? Well, I guess time will tell. My plan now is to go to Canada and try to get to Vancouver so I can get a job at a studio, but it is a long term plan, first have to do all the paper work at the embassy, and it takes almost 2 years. Would be faster if I marry a Canadian girl ( 8 months) lol. I know some people pay to get marry an American or Candian citizen so then they are able to get residence. Well, I am not looking forward to that, but that would be a good story for a movie.
Gotta go, just end this with a song I have being listening to all day. It is Stone Sour- Though glass.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIzDsGyxsQM
