Why the conditional tense? She is not the ***** you would have raised, she is the ******** you raised. That she is a porn star has no bearing on those other qualities.
I apologise for the strong wording but you just have to tell your ****** to mind her own business. I can't say I'd be thrilled if any of my ******** made their livings in the porn industry but how I would choose to handle my childrens' life choices would be "no go" territory with one of my ********, just as it's none of your business to tell her how to handle her ********.
I can't believe how pushy relatives can be. You don't sound like you would disrespect the same boundaries wrt your ****** and her ****** so perhaps what is happening with your ****** is part of the dynamic between you....you are more passive and she is very aggressive/opinionated, tells you what to do and judges you. How do you think she would react if you told her how to interact with her ****** members? The answer to that question may help me and others to understand how it is that your ****** feels comfortable criticising your parenting decisions. I think it's quite odd, but evidently you don't. In fact you sound as if you feel guilty that you haven't done exactly as she said.
