Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
No food was a-stirrin',
Not even a mouse.
Stockings were hung round
***'s nick like a tie,
Along with a note that said,
"Presents or die."
******** were plotting
All night in their beds,
While the wife's constant whining
Was splitting his head.
But ***** had money
This year in the bank,
Then they closed up early,
And now ***'s in a tank.
All of a sudden,
Santa appeared,
A sneer on his face,
***** in his beard.
"Santa," I said,
As he laughed merrily,
"You do so much for others,
Do something for me."
"Bundy," he said,
"You only sell shoes,
Your *** is a sneak thief,
Your ********'s a floose."
"Ho ho," Santa said,
"Should I mention your wife?
Her hair's like an A-bomb,
Her nails like a *****."
He climbs up the chimney,
That fat piece of dung,
He mooned me two times,
He stuck out his tongue.
I heard him exclaim,
As he broke wind with glee,
"You're married with ********,
You'll never be free."